WELCOME – AT 10:31 A.M. ET:  Please take a moment to note that this is Indigenous Peoples Day in Seattle.  My Gawd, it's about time we abolished Columbus Day.  May the idea spread.

As we all know from our educational system, Christopher Columbus was a disoriented sailor who came to these shores on Carnival's "Discover America" Cruise.  It is well known that the indigenous peoples he found here were pressed into service as tour guides and personal trainers.

That's what we do with indigenous peoples.  Deal with it.  Face the truth. 

Imagine what this place would have been like had Columbus not gotten that last-minute half-fare deal, with an outside cabin?  All those forests.  All those wild animals.  No congested cities.  Can you live without Omaha?  Can you?  Do you really need interstate highways?  Or electricity?  Or running water?  For millions of years people lived without.  They had fun.  And I'll bet their TV programs were better.  Indigenous peoples shun reality shows.

I don't see where hospitals are any better than medicine men.  Did you ever hear of a medicine man being sued for malpractice?  Why can't we have a system like that?

So, if you run into someone today who looks even vaguely indigenous, hug him, or her.  Apologize.  Say you regret your ancestors and will take their pictures off your walls. 

And then go back where you came from.  And tell the Muslim immigrants there that you're indigenous.  It'll feel so good.  No more guilt.  Free at last.

October 13, 2014